Here’s my report from the time spent alongside my grandson when he was aged 12–24 months.
It’s a brief overview of what I tried, what I learned and how I changed. You’ll see links throughout the text. Those lead to more detailed pieces I wrote throughout the year.
Cycling
What I Tried
I wasn’t sure if he was ready. Twelve months old feels young for a bike ride. But by his second—or maybe third—ride he loved it.
After a few days without it, he spotted the bike again and lit up. He went straight to the bell—ding ding!—like he’d been waiting all week.
That’s when I knew: that this little seat on the front of my e-bike wasn’t just a purchase. It was an investment in us. We take most journeys together on the bike. We’ve just clocked up 2,000 kms together. But he’s not just a passenger. I want him to have agency. ‘Poppa turn here.’
I get to talk to him, laugh with him, watch his face as the world rolls by. He gets to feel the wind, the bumps, the bell. It’s not just transport—it’s connection.
What I Learned
Bicycles are freedom machines. They don’t have to be expensive. With the right seat, equipment, route and precautions, they can be a way to share the world with a little one.
How I Changed
Pedalling has improved my physical health but my mental health is even better. If happiness is the gap between what you have now and your expectation of the future, then when I’m on the bike with my grandson, that gap closes to zero. I don’t want to be anywhere else, I don’t want to be doing anything else. I didn’t expect it, and this sounds corny, but it’s true. I’ve found happiness.
And as I’m gently trying to guide who he becomes, he’s changing who I am. This little guy has become my life coach in nappies. He’s helping me discover who I am now and helping me see blindspots I couldn’t.
I was drinking too much. At night, one glass of wine would lead to two, to three, to why leave the bottle almost empty? One night my grandson had a medical emergency and was taken to hospital in an ambulance. What if there was no ambulance? What if I was asked to drive him in, and I had to sheepishly say no. I couldn’t resolve that thought so I’ve given up alcohol. It’s been twelve months. A little hard at first but nothing compared to the guilt I might one day be burdened with if I didn’t.
What I Learned About a 1 Year Old on a Bike
All the details and specs are in this in-depth report.
Baby Sling (with seat)
What I Tried
Carrying a baby in my arms has always hurt my lower back, so when I met a young couple hiking in New Zealand who had a baby sling with a seat, I immediately asked them about it. It was a Dutch brand and very expensive. That night in the mountains I found wifi and discovered Kmart sold a similar model for AUD$50. A week later I owned one.
I’ve used this since my grandson was 6 months old up until he was almost 2 years old. The top section zips off so you can use just the waistband with the seat. I rotate the waistband so the seat is against my hip. For those days they are clingy, it makes carrying a toddler SO MUCH easier.
What I Learned
I would rate this ESSENTIAL if you get a sore back and SMART if you want to make it easier to stay connected with your little one. A $50 front carrier builds a bond stronger than any toy.
How I Changed
This photo sums it up. Baby sling, nappy bag, umbrella. For most of a man’s life, he follows the social script of ‘provider.’ There comes a point in life, though, regardless of what a man feels inside, society doesn’t view him that way anymore. I could feel that happening. Grandad seemed a logical and welcome point to shift to a new role, ‘nurturer.’
Toys
What I Tried
I’m no different to most grandparents. We probably buy too many toys. The difference is that we have discovered charity shops. We get whole bags of farm animals for $5. Tonka style trucks for $5. A broken kids’ ride-on car for $5. I added an old broom handle plus ten minutes with a drill — instant “push car.” For seven glorious days, I was a genius. Then he lost interest.
Is 21 months old too early for a 3 metre slippery slide? Short answer: it depends on the child, the equipment and the setup. I checked Facebook Marketplace. Plenty of second-hand swing sets and slides. But many were an hour away and needed dismantling. Then, while cycling Remy to his parents’ place, we rode past something glorious: a 3 metre slide sitting on the footpath. I scavenged through my pile of reclaimed timber. About $10 worth of screws. The astro turf underneath was another reclaimed freebie.
What I Learned
Buy or build your minimum viable version first. It makes the ‘duds’ less painful. You can gift them on, put them on the footpath with a ‘take me’ sign or leave them outside as yard toys.
How I Changed
When I was a parent to small children, I too limited the amount of toys my own children received. I think the fear of spoiling them is my default position. I have a different take on that now. When I bought toys for my kids, it was to please them and to keep them occupied to free up my time. Now, time is not the problem. Toys allow my grandson and me a way to connect in a way that is frictionless and painless for me. He decides what he wants to do.
If he moves from one area of toys to another, I go with him. I’m there to encourage his choices and to let him know he matters, he belongs, he’s strong. And here’s the kicker. He acts the opposite of spoiled. I don’t see them as toys, but as tools. Tools to help build, one day, a capable man.
The Garden
What I Tried
Our house is surrounded by a large yard full of trees. One quarter of it is the play area my children grew up in. I’ve expanded the play area to about half the yard area now. There’s a water play area with garden taps and hoses. There’s a slide built into one of the trees. There’s a gravel pit for digging. There are ladders to climb and a swing set.
I picked up a small junior wheelbarrow. With big and small barrows we go stick collecting, rock moving, leaf shifting. It’s been a hit.
We have two large old macadamia trees so we have hundreds of perfectly spherical nuts lying around. Rolling them down a plastic drain pipe or discarded aluminium channels keeps us amused for hours. Finding the nuts fills in another half hour. Husking them builds finger strength.
Picking berries from clusters is great for developing little fingers too. We’ve worked together so he knows that we don’t put anything from the garden in our mouth.
Filling a cheap 5-litre garden sprayer with water is another hit. Porous surfaces, like a concrete block wall, change colour when sprayed. There’s another half an hour filled up.
What I Learned
Gardening can be play.
How I Changed
My relationship with my yard has changed. What was a chore of endless upkeep is now an opportunity to spend time together.
Plus my relationship with macadamia nuts has changed. For three decades I have cursed stepping, barefoot, on macadamia nuts. They hurt! Now I still wince and swear but then think, goody, another one for the collection pile.
We’ve let go. Let go of the need to have our house looking like a museum. Let go of the yard looking immaculate. Our place feels like a home once again.
Busy Board
What I Tried
A busy board is a panel laden with gizmos and gadgets that encourage little fingers to push, pull, click and slide a bunch of knobs, buttons and levers to develop fine motor skills and coordination. They come in sizes from about A4 up to large wall panels. You can buy one or make your own. I made my own.
Mine was 900 mm x 600 mm. I sourced the attached items from around the home, hardware stores and Temu online.
What I Learned
To raise the bar rather than lower it. I wanted my grandson to succeed. So it feels natural to include the things he’ll be able to do. But I included a range of activities from easy to harder and much harder. So my grandson masters areas then tires of them, but 3 months later he works on a new activity. I’ve been there a few times when he finally does something he’s struggled with. He shoots me a look like, ‘Did you see that!’ He’ll be coming back to this for years.
Note that I broke my ‘minimum viable version’ rule here.
One practical note if you build your own: check every attachment for small parts, sharp edges and anything that could come loose.
Classes
What I Tried
Brisbane is the highest-ranked capital city for pool ownership in Australia. I live there. I have a pool in my backyard. Swimming lessons are a must.
I take my grandson every week to Storytime Swim Centre. He started at 12 months old. Each week the lessons are themed around a classic story. The pool is lined with hundreds of relevant toys and animals and characters. The idea is that they are so absorbed in the story and toys that they forget about their hesitance in the water. The instructors are excellent. My grandson loves it.
The other of the two full days we have him, my wife takes him to a gymnastics class. It’s very gentle. He can hang upside down like a fruit bat. What more could you ask for?
What I Learned
When my wife and I started having my grandson for the full two days, we each did a full day by ourselves. Then we tried doing both days as a team. That has worked much better. We’ve played to our strengths and weaknesses. We each pick up the slack for the other as needed.
How I Changed
As swimming class is my gig, I’ve had to lift my game (I’m naturally an introvert) and engage with the younger mums. That’s been wonderful. I have a new circle of people I’m part of. It’s helped me get up to speed on current parenting trends, which reduces the chance of me blundering ahead ignorantly. This, in turn, improves my relationship with my grandson’s parents.
Normalising
A quick explanation.
Normalising is a word I use so I’ll briefly explain. I’ve seen many life lessons metered out by online influencers with little life experience. I think much of it is poorly thought out and ineffective for building a happy life long term. I’m confident I can do better.
I also know that kids don’t listen to what you say, they watch what you do. So in lieu of lecturing the young, I’m living my life by way of example. I’m ‘normalising’ the behaviours I’m sure will help my grandson live a happy life.
For example, I can disagree without despising someone and apologise when I’m wrong. It’s not “What did I teach today?” It’s “What did I demonstrate?” They need to see it being normal.
Here’s a deeper look at my idea of normalising.
What I Tried
Speaking to strangers
Along our bike journey, morning and afternoon, we’ve introduced ourselves to families in playgrounds, graffiti artists, landscapers operating diggers, gardeners, kids operating lemonade stands outside their home.
I hope to show that excluding yourself from the world by putting on headphones and staring at a screen doesn’t have to be the norm. Engaging with people can be a good thing, while still learning to recognise when an interaction is appropriate and when to be cautious.
Putting my phone away
I want him to believe, in his bones: you matter, you belong, you’re strong. If I’m constantly distracted by phone notifications, then the message he gets is ‘you don’t matter that much.’
Of course my phone is an important tool for daily communication. If and when I have to use it, I do it quickly and out of his vision.
Being curious
If I notice something new or unusual when we’re on the bike, I now circle back to it rather than riding on by. Like those tiny libraries you find on the front fence of some houses. We crawl around the garden on our hands and knees to find where the ants are coming from.
It’s normal to be curious.
(Note. As I write this, my grandson hasn’t yet started asking WHY, why why why? I may report back differently next time.)
What I Learned
There’s no extra grandadding required. There’s nothing really I need to learn to do this. There’s really no extra time required. It all comes down to being more intentional about how I spend the time I allocate to my grandson.
How I Changed
I’ve become a better version of myself. I’ve reduced my doomscrolling dramatically. I’m less of an introvert.
Habits
These are the little things done daily that add up to something bigger.
What I Tried
Keeping a weekly diary
I have kept a weekly diary. My grandson’s parents are busy. My wife and I have commented often that there are things we wish we could remember about our daughter’s childhood, but we never had the time to write them down.
So every Friday I spend ten minutes making notes on what my grandson has done and said. I have a recurring note in my Google Calendar that says ‘Friday is Diary Day’ to remind me. I use Mac Notes so I can add text, photos and videos.
The way I speak
I’ve stopped praising and encouraging with ‘good boy.’ Good boy can be confused by a child to mean you love me only when I’m good. And that’s the opposite of what I believe. My love for my grandson is unconditional.
So I’m well into the habit of saying ‘good work’ or ‘good job’ or ‘nice digging.’ I remember to praise the effort, not the person.
Is your grandchild hearing how you speak to Alexa the home assistant?
Not narrating every move
Which leads to… I don’t narrate effort. You know, the child is in the sandpit playing, and the carer gives a running commentary of every movement… ‘good digging, you’re so strong, you’re so clever, you’ve got the blue bucket.’
What do I say instead? I imagine if I were there with an adult. What would I say to them? I just talk to children as the adults they will become.
Stepping back
Every time I want to step in and fix things, I now step back. I let my grandson struggle. I don’t pick him up every time he falls. I don’t make his puzzle pieces line up neatly every time.
Understanding Childhood Development
Just a bit, here and there. Just knowing why a one-year-old keeps dropping their food bowl from the high chair made that part of the day less frustrating. Here’s a post I wrote about what I’m learning about childhood development.
Eating lunch at his level
I eat lunch with my knees under my chin. Why? Because I want him to know he matters. When he’s twenty, I want him to look back on these photos and see that discomforting yourself a little for the benefit of others is a good thing to do. It’s what you do for people who matter.
Here’s a longer piece about a lunch with my grandson that challenged everything I thought about discipline.
What I Learned
I think we underestimate how deeply human the need for dignity is. Not status. Not attention. Dignity.
The feeling that your voice counts, your inner world matters, you have some say in your own life, you aren’t invisible.
Here’s a longer piece on how we might overlook a child’s need for dignity.
How I Changed
I didn’t see this need for dignity in my own children simply because I didn’t have the time to notice it. I do now.
It’s why ‘you matter’ leads the mantra that plays in the back of my head when I’m with my grandson…
You matter. You belong. You’re strong.
In this post, I explain what I want my grandkids to believe.
What Ideas Failed?
The New Grandad Club, A new local initiative for grandads & little ones. Why? I think local is too small a pond. Grandparenting is going through a global reinvention, not a postcode reinvention. Plus 95% of the support I got was from women parents. They see what their kids need, and they see their own fathers often not realising their potential. I’m thinking my real audience may be women and my real beneficiaries are men.
Best Grandad → Remy’s Grandad → Modern Grandad. You may have noticed a progression in my content and writing. This idea started out with me just trying to be the best grandad I could be. That was true, but it always inadvertently positioned me towards being a grandparenting expert. I’m not.
So I shifted to writing through the lens of how I saw the world through my relationship with my grandson. I loved writing this way. But it ended up stepping outside the boundaries I have set with his parents, and it still wasn’t the right direction.
It took about 18 months, but I’ve arrived at Modern Grandad: a 20-year inquiry into what grandads are for now. In Goldilocks parlance, it’s just right.
That’s my first year!
I’m not just trying things with a one-year-old. I’m figuring out what kind of grandfather I want to be.
I became a grandad by chance. I’m becoming a modern grandad by choice.
I would love to know what you think, what you’ve tried, and what pushback you have for me. I’m not an expert; I’m just a bloke trying to get the conversation around grandadding started.