When I travel, I like reading about the history of the places I’m visiting.
This week, I stumbled across the orphans of Romania.
Then I made the mistake of searching for photos.
Every toddler I saw made me think of Remy.
But even if I desperately wanted to see my grandson right now, I couldn’t.
There are 24 hours of travel between us.
So I found myself wondering:
Can you be present without being nearby?
I thought of my grandmother.
Nan Nan.
She lived two plane rides away.
I saw her once a year if I was lucky.
But she never felt distant.
I knew exactly who she was to me.
She was consistent.
When a letter arrived, I could picture her writing it —
where she was sitting,
the tea she was drinking,
the biscuits she was eating.
I didn’t need her in the room to feel comforted by her.
When I started this five-week trip, I was conflicted about being away from Remy.
Of course, when I’m home, I’ll be right back to spending as much time with him as feels right.
But I’m less conflicted now.
Maybe I’m a little wiser.
I’m starting to think that showing up reliably might matter more than being there all the time.
—
Julian